A Weekend at Turkeyfest – chapter 5

This is the place where you can fuck.

If I was elected mayor of Strathvegas, my first order of business would be to have this written in large, highly reflective letters, on every road leading into this town of lush, feverous, uncontrollable, black powder addicted fun mongers…

Well, I guess I’d have to chase out all the questionable folk first. The ones who don’t even have fun in private, with the lights dimmed, behind the locked bedroom door, with the cat and a jar of chunky peanut butter…


After all of the fun Nazi’s are run out of town by mob’s of drunken, jeering nudists with roman candles and cricket paddles in hand, well… I guess there will be no choice but to get down to the business of soaring high, in the sticky underworld of lowbrow, hedonistic, carnal over stimulation of the mind body and soul…

They don’t call it Strathvegas for nothing folks. It’s time to stop fucking around. It’s time to stop sitting on the fence.
What’s in a name?
A hell of a fucking lot when the word vegas is involved… or is that a hell of a lot of fucking?…

…And that folks, would be the start of my campaign speech if I ran in the local election. Fortunately for you and I, I make a better tumbleweed than I do tit-sucking donkey smoker.

When you spend the main course of your day accommodating guests, habits, thirst, and your own restless urge to wander the streets, in wonder of simple shades of black and blue and phosphorescent oranges and violets, at hours when most of the population is dry humping the sand man’s leg; well, the comings and goings of city counsel are far outside the margins of the radar ping.
Indeed, in those days, the radar was reduced to a fish-eyed, tunnel-vision-o-scope that cut in and out at irregular (but generally crucial), intervals.
That, combined with the kaleidoscopic filter that had recently become fused to my tongue, causing every cell in my body to hum at 10k R.P.M., and my mind to veer off of the freeway and onto a no-maintenance backroad where only the coyotes and booze cruisers roamed… well, it made for a truly unique ending to life as we knew it.




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